Me, too.
It doesn't always have to be abuse. Sometimes, a disrespectful statement can be just as destructive. A man didn't take my "no" well. He turned sour, aggressive, and uglily acrimonious - why am I to be blamed for not being interested? Are we supposed to be subordinated to your demands?
I've been warned travelling alone as a woman is a risk. "You can't travel alone. It's dangerous, especially you're only a woman." Despite coming from a protective place, I feel undermined by people, friends and family simply because the fact that I'm born biologically female. Being surrounded by all the amazing human beings I've met in my life, I have a tendency to believe in the good of people. If I don't see it in the first glance, I have the stubbornness to find it in them. It's about faith. And I believe in it.
So disregard of the warnings, I travel alone. I like it. I like the absolute autonomy in being in control of my path and the freedom of just doing the things I want without people telling me "no". I have hit walls, of course, but what is a life without a bit of rockiness, failures and detours? For most of the part, travelling alone hasn't disappointed me. I've seen the wonder of nature, the magnificence of our planet, and the beauty of people. From the people that I made deep connection with, to the strangers on the street who offered me a hand or a smile. I wouldn't forget the lady who gave me a lift after an exhausting hike, or the photographer who spotted me from meters away. I love meeting new people, they inspire me and fill me with stories. I grow in each encounter and learn from them.
But it isn't always this peachy.
Catcalling, as Phoebe-Jane Boyd commented the "maintenance of sexist system", is only so common that I, and I believe a lot of women out there, has encountered numerous times. Some even has to live with, as the society has become strangely tolerant to this other form of sexual harassment for it being "minor" and "harmless". Whilst the pain of physical sexual abuses are some of the most traumatising things that could have happened to a person, pains are not meant to be compared. Who are we to judge whose pain is more painful, for pain is a personal feelings and sometimes even a regrettable engrave of a person's life. I had been catcalled in all randomness. Not only is it disrespectful, but the fear of not knowing what's going to happen is haunting. I was stopped nearby an entrance of an underpass, my shoulder was grabbed and I was forced to face this stranger. It was a sleepless night in a stiff single bed which I only settled in for not long. I wasn't harmed, yet it was frightening enough that I became so cautious of strangers and be suspicious of their approaching - It deprived the smile I always have on my face for a short while as I was skeptical of people. I didn't like it. It turned me into someone that I don't like to be. I like smiling, spreading joy and making people laugh! When my faith was temporarily defeated due to this small accident, how would the victims ever see the world? Need we to say the more we ignore, the more distrust and distance are accumulating everyday?
And what about the destructive power of disrespectful languages? I was waiting next to the tram stop waiting for someone. A man walked to me with his mobile on his hand, asking if I were the person he was supposed to meet. Like any friendly encounter, we started talking while waiting for our friends. We exchanged number as it's always nice to have an extra friend while temporarily staying at a foreign country. Later at night I got a text, asking how do I feel like having a drink tomorrow. Nicely declined as I have other things to do, I offered a coffee at a more appropriate time instead, to which he said no. I shrugged and let it go. Moments later, he shot another text saying it's alright to have coffee if we would "do some other things together" before I head for my plans. The alarm bell rang so I replied, "it's nice meeting you but I'm not 'do some other things together' at an instant kind of girl. Would gladly see you again if we can keep it like that." Things went downhill really fast. Within seconds he said bitterly, "You sound like a nun or some really conservative Christian." "The way you approached me is like you're into one night stand." "Whatever."I was left wordless staring at these bombardment of text messages. I felt deeply insulted, at the same time feeling unfair for nuns and Christians.
I didn't tell these stories as I'm sure those would turn into "live evidences" as why I "shouldn't travel alone". Put aside the fact that I'm never going to stop travelling, I strongly believe the end goal here shouldn't be teaching girls how to protect themselves against sexism. Surely we all have responsibility to protect ourselves and it's a responsibility that shouldn't lie on others' shoulders. But imagine in a world without sexism, where everyone treats both gender equally with respects, there'd be nothing to be protected from. So tell me now - should we tell girls to protect themselves, or should we educate people to behave on their best? I've only seen three real men in this account, all of which either voiced out or kept me safe when I was being catcalled at. Are you brave enough to stand against sexual injustice, by not turning a blind eye when things happen in front of you?
We need to let people know we are not tolerating even the slightest disrespect of, not only just women, but them as a humankind.
